Who was I to think that I could oppose God?

Acts 11:15-18 says, “As I began to speak, the Holy Spirit came on them as he had come on us at the beginning.  Then I remembered what the Lord had said: ‘John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.’  So if God gave them the same gift as he gave us, who was I to think that I could oppose God?

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Have you ever wondered why some speak in tongues and others do not?  Have you ever  thought that speaking in tongues was unnecessary, unprofitable, lacking value in your walk with the Lord?  Did you ever think those who spoke in tongues were kind of weird?  I did.  I thought my walk with the Lord was just fine and I didn’t need to speak in tongues.  I had already been water baptized and didn’t understand a second baptism.  I knew I already had the Holy Spirit living inside of me.  I thought I was okay.  I was content in my walk with God.  I was comfortable.

But God always wants to stretch us beyond our comfort zones.  God always has more for us, and oftentimes more than we are ready to accept.  God always prompts us to stretch and grow out of ourselves, into the person He has for us to become.

Spirit-filled.  How I resented that phrase.  I felt like I was considered less of a Christian and looked at as not spirit-filled because I didn’t speak in tongues.  Oh, the resentment I felt.  “There it is again,” I would think whenever I would hear someone say those words.  How I wanted to prove them wrong, show them that I could be just as spirit-filled without speaking in tongues.  I knew I had the Holy Spirit living inside of me and I just did not understand the in-filling and what it could mean in my life.  That is, until God got hold of me!  Who was I to think that I could oppose God?

My Journey…

My journey with the Lord first began when I was very young.  Looking back, I can see so many ways the Lord was calling me to Himself.  From the times I spent in Vacation Bible School as a little girl playing games around the bushes outside the church, to later days of attending church by myself just because I wanted to go and no one else in my family was going.

It was not until after I married in 1977 that I actually accepted Jesus as Lord of my life. During a weekend business conference in Norfolk, VA in 1982, my husband Bruce and I responded to an altar call and committed our lives to Jesus.  That was the beginning of an incredible journey, a journey where God would prove Himself faithful through many twists and turns in my life, including the loss of a full-term stillborn baby in 1987, the loss of my husband to cancer in 1989, and the reality of raising three children as a single mom for 15 years, all by God’s grace.

While walking with the Lord for almost 28 years and seeing His hand upon my life, I felt as if I had a terrific relationship with Him.  I did, however, find myself more and more uncomfortable about references to being “spirit-filled” and the fact that many around me were speaking in tongues.  It was often brought up in conversations, at church, during times of prayer, and I was struggling more and more with it, but still refusing to accept that it might be something God had for me.

Then in January 2009, a speaker named Nasir Siddiki came and ministered at our church for a four-day conference.  I attended every session, Saturday through Tuesday, soaking up every word he said.  It was on Sunday night that Nasir asked anyone who had not received the baptism of the Holy Spirit to come forward.  I went up to the front but was very nervous and uncomfortable.  Here I was, a member of this church for five years, surrounded by people who spoke in tongues, but still believing it was not for me and I did not need it.  Nasir prayed over me but my mouth froze and not even English words came out.  It wasn’t until Wednesday morning in the shower as I was praying and asking God to help me yield to this if He did intend for me to have it that tongues finally started to flow out of my mouth, and it was very exciting to me!!

Such an incredible journey…

What an incredible journey with God since that glorious morning.  At that time, God showed me that I would write the book I had always dreamed of writing, and He said it would be about the misconceptions of the baptism of the Holy Spirit!!  You see, I always had a dream to write a book but never knew what I would write about, but God knew.  And since I myself had so many misconceptions about the baptism of the Holy Spirit, this is what God wanted to teach me so I could write about it and teach others.

So, why did it take me almost 28 years to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit?  How could I walk with God all those years and still not receive the fullness and power He had for me?  God answered that question that Wednesday morning in the shower.  He told me it was my pride.  Ouch!!  Remember I said I wanted to prove others wrong, prove that I could be just as filled with the Holy Spirit as they were without speaking in tongues?  God showed me that was my ugly pride hindering me from receiving all that He had for me.

Who was I to think that I could oppose God?

The Fullness of God’s Power…

My walk with the Lord since receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit has been even more incredible than the previous 28 years.  I have truly experienced the power of God that comes with this baptism.  I now understand there are two baptisms we need once we accept Christ.  I had been water baptized along with my first husband in 1984 but have come to realize there is a second baptism the bible refers to, and this is the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  Jesus gives us this baptism as we receive His spirit and the fullness thereof, and this is then manifested in our lives through the gift of speaking in tongues.  We, however, must be willing to yield to this.  He will not force it on us.

Many people say that you do not have to speak in tongues, and certainly you do not.  But if you want all the fullness of God’s power in your life, then you will want to be baptized with the Holy Spirit.  You will not get this fullness and power any other way.  I have truly experienced this in my own life and am writing to give testimony to it.  Glory be to God!

Who was I to think that I could oppose God?

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“As I began to speak, the Holy Spirit came on them as he had come on us at the beginning.  Then I remembered what the Lord had said: ‘John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.’  So if God gave them the same gift as he gave us, who was I to think that I could oppose God?”~Acts 11:15-18

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January 2024 – Since the writing of this, God has mercifully carried me through another very difficult time in my life, leading me once again through the grieving process after the loss of my second husband, Ted.

I became Ted’s caregiver for many months prior to and following his diagnosis in December 2022.  He was diagnosed with a neurological disorder called Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP) and he declined very rapidly with an inability to walk without the assistance of a walker, Rollator, or U-Step 2 Rollator, often falling and getting hurt.  He was losing his eyesight and the ability to turn his head (due to stiffness in his neck caused by the PSP,) and he was getting confused and unable to do simple things he had previously loved to do, such as cooking and reading.

I found myself asking God to take my husband home so he would no longer suffer and would be totally healed and in the presence of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!  God did call him home in the early morning hours of June 7, 2023.  I miss him very much but God has still proven Himself faithful to me and I am thankful that I will see both Ted and Bruce one day when I get to Heaven also!

Someone said to me that maybe Ted and Bruce have met in heaven and have had conversations about what it was like to live with me!  That makes me smile and chuckle.  Who knows?!  My daughter shared that she hopes Ted would tell Bruce about all his grandchildren that he never got to meet.  That is a special thought to me as well.

2 thoughts on “Who was I to think that I could oppose God?

  1. How wonderful for you to yield and receive such a precious gift from God! He only has good things for His children…even when we don’t understand them. I hope to see that book published soon! 🙂

    • Thanks so much Sharon! I hope to get back to writing it soon! With God’s help and direction, I will!!

      January 2024: Well, it appears that, at least for now, this blog is the “book” I’ve always wanted to write. As I begin again (it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything here on my blog), I believe that one day some of the content I share here just might become a published book as well, but as long as I’m serving God in the way He calls me to, that’s all that matters to me! I just want to be a blessing to those who read, and I pray that each one will know Jesus as their Lord and Savior as I do! Jesus is wonderful and He is our ticket to Heaven one day when our days here on earth end. I love you dear reader, and I pray this gift of salvation would be real to you as you too accept Jesus and live for Him!

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