In reading Bill Winston’s book titled The Kingdom of God in You, I felt prompting from the Lord to share my personal testimony based on chapter 8’s discussion of God’s promise to Abram and Sarai that “your very own son shall be your heir,” Genesis 15:4. God promised Abram that his offspring would come from his own seed and be born of Sarai, both in their old age, well past childbearing years. He promised Abram that his offspring would outnumber the stars in the heavens!
After years had passed, however, Sarai decided to take things in her own hands because God still had not provided this son He had promised. So she instructed Abram to go into her servant Hagar and have a son through her instead.
This is where my personal testimony comes in. Those who know me well and have walked through the last 35+ years of life with me know this testimony, but I believe God wants me to also share it with you, whomever you are that is reading this blog post.
You see, my first husband went home to Jesus in 1989 after a short battle with cancer, and I became a single mom of 3 children, ages 8, 6, and 5. I always believed God had another husband for me and waited for Him to bring that husband into my life, but after waiting 15 years I grew very weary of the wait. I imagine this is how Sarai might have felt (especially considering she was well past the childbearing age) and she most likely wondered if God’s promise was actually going to happen for her. Sadly, I can relate!
So just like Sarai, I decided to take matters into my own hands and seek out a husband for myself. Without making this post too long with the many details, suffice it to say that I searched on some of the Internet dating sites for a single Christian man to meet and marry, and that is exactly what I did!
I met my second husband but only knew him for six weeks before we married in 2004. Since we didn’t take time to really seek God’s direction or get to know each other well to be sure we were compatible, and most importantly that we were the one God had for each of us to marry, we began a roller coaster of a marriage that lasted for 19 years until that husband also went home to Jesus in June 2023.
Red flags? Yes! There were quite a few. Did I heed them? Absolutely not! Did I regret jumping into a marriage not arranged and directed by God? Oftentimes, yes!
BUT GOD!!
On the first occasion that I was going to leave my new husband, as I was praying for God’s direction (something I had stopped doing when I married my husband) God told me to stay and gave me a promise that He was going to make something of this marriage.
There were many other times when I wanted to leave and sometimes when we were separated, but I kept hearing God’s promise of “making something of this marriage” and telling me to stay, so I did. Was it easy? Not at all!! Oh, don’t get me wrong; we had many good times too, but the marriage was often fraught with difficulties, sadness, anger, and disappointments too, and I think that was mutual for him as well as for me.
At one point I heard a message from my pastor on Hebrews 11:1, which reads: “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” My pastor had instructed us to personalize this verse and for many years I claimed it for myself, confessing “Now faith is the substance of the marriage I hoped for, the evidence of the marriage not seen.”
So as the years continued on, we had many ups and downs, but God continued to be faithful to His promise to “make something of our marriage.” I can attest to an amazing work He did in me throughout the process, years of pain and heartache, but also times of joy. My husband helped me develop a love for boating and I have many beautiful memories of those times together on several boats we owned together.
I’m not sure exactly when my husband developed Progressive Supranuclear Palsy because he was not diagnosed with it until December 2022, but he had many symptoms for quite a few years prior; we just didn’t know they were symptoms of that neurological disorder until he was diagnosed. This was a very horrible neurological disorder to watch him suffer from and I definitely promised God I would never leave him as I knew he would have been lost without me.
I thank God for the years I had with both my husbands, but most especially for all the ways God worked in me through each marriage, good, bad and indifferent. No marriage is perfect, for sure, but I definitely recommend seeking God for direction so as to enjoy the BEST marriage He has for you. But if you find yourself in a marriage you feel is wrong for you, trust God to direct you. Certainly if you are in an abusive marriage, there are outlets you can seek out for help, and God would never have you stay in an abusive situation. But if you just feel you made a mistake, as I felt that I did, trust God to lead you whether or not you should stay and allow Him to “make something of the marriage.” He did it for me, and He can do it for you!!
When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.” ~ John 6:12-13
Happy Resurrection Sunday!! My pastor’s message this morning, focusing on the stone that was rolled away as the women went to anoint Jesus’ body according to their burial traditions, went so much deeper into something relevant to our lives today.
We all want what we want, don’t we? And we don’t like being told we are wrong about something, or told we are living wrong, or doing things we shouldn’t be doing if they are something we want to do, or something we want to have.
